The Noh Mask, Photo by Snake Cats (Creative Commons CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)
I have never danced the tango. And I have never been on a space walk. Yet somehow, my life at the moment feels like a strange amalgamation of both. A back and forth I can’t seem to stop and a certain lack of gravity. The pace slows down and speeds back up, carrying me away to the beat of a melody I can’t even hear. Is it playing at all? Or am I simply floating in space to the deafening sound of silence?
I want to stop the metaphor. I want to be honest and straightforward but this isn’t a diary. This is a public space where emotions have only half the right to exist. The other half belongs to me and I don’t seem to be able to part with it just yet.
There is a quote I will always remember. It comes from Memoirs Of A Geisha, a book that still resonates with me, years after my first read:
I long ago developed a very practiced smile, which I call my “Noh smile” because it resembles a Noh mask whose features are frozen. Its advantage is that men can interpret it however they want; you can imagine how often I’ve relied on it.”
I have a tendency to keep my emotions bottled up (or so I’ve been told) and I’m sure this is no alien feeling for a wannabe writer. I assume we’ve all developed our own Noh smile and used it at least once in our life, whether it be while disagreeing with someone politely, accepting an insult with dignity or playing pretend with our feelings so the others can’t see past the “frozen” features.
The truth is, the Noh smile is a double-edged sword but I am not here to share motivational crap thoughts. I won’t tell you how dangerous wearing the mask is and I won’t scold you for holding it all in because at the end of the day, that would be hypocritical of me.
What I will tell you is that today, I’ve got my mask on. Maybe it’s a self-preservation thing. Or maybe I should be channelling my emotions into my book. Yes, that would be a productive use of my time. Blame it on me if one of my characters bursts into tears with no warning.
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Thanks for reading.
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This is a sad and powerful post Elissaveta and written so tellingly, especially that first paragraph. You’re very right. I too have used the Noh smile and now you’ve named it for me. May a real smile defeat it soon.
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Have you read the book? If not, I think you might like it. Like me, Arthur Golden loves using metaphors…
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I read it long ago. Which is, unfortunately, as good as saying I haven’t read it. I think I read too fast and don’t pause enough for reflection before I pick up the next book. Maybe this year I change!
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I read it long ago. Which is, unfortunately, as good as saying I haven’t read it. I think I read too fast and don’t pause enough for reflection before I pick up the next book. Maybe this year I change!
I did like it – a completely different world
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Memoirs Of A Geisha was an excellent book. We have all used the Noh smile. Women are good at using it.
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Yes it would seem women are better at mastering the art of illusion.
Thanks for your comment, Darlene.
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To wear a mask in public is often a form of self-defense. For me it is at times both useful and mandatory. But never wear the mask to hide your feelings from yourself. That would be a very dangerous path towards self-destruction.
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You are absolutely right, although it is sometimes tempting to do so…
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A Noh smile can be a useful thing, as long as we remember it is a temporary thing :-) I loved Memoirs of a Geisha as well – I thought the film was very disappointing.
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As long as we remember to take it off, yes. :)
See, I actually quite enjoyed the movie. It was easy on the eyes although I remember the book being a lot more poetic. I’m yet to prefer a film over the book it was inspired by though.
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Yes, me too :-)
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Beautifully written, Elli, but oh no! (Or should that be oh Noh!) Sounds like you’re not having a good time of it right now. Hope it soon passes, and you are feeling yourself again. Xx
I loved Memoirs of Geisha too. So long since I read it though. Could be time to revisit.
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Ha, your Noh pun made me laugh!
Thanks Ali. Nothing to worry about, just a big, scary change coming up for me and I guess it makes me want to put my mask on for a little while.
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That sounds ominous. Hope it all goes well for you. Xxx
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I have been recruited to lead an expedition to Mars and I may never return… THAT’s ominous! :D
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Lol! How exciting! But please come back… Unless it’s far better up there than here, in which case I fully understand…
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Hmmm, you know what? I’ll come back because I’ll have SO much to write about publishers will fight over it.
Hehehe!
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With technology these days, you could probably write and contact publishers from just about anywhere in the universe…
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Ali Isaac… Are you trying to keep me away from Earth?
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Not at all… I prefer Planet Earth with you on it, but I understand the urge to travel.
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This catching up and reading in reverse order isn’t doing me any good. Spoilers and all that stuff. Interesting post, though. I used to think I could hide my feelings, but apparently I can’t. Whether I’ve got a face that’s too expressive or there’s something in my nervous system that just transmits straight to my face, I don’t know. So now I don’t bother to try. But you’ve probably noticed that I’m quite open about them in my writing anyway – though usually after the event when I’m able to give it some perspective.
So let’s see behind the mask more, Ellie – when you’ve got perspective.
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Well I’m certainly flattered you’d go through all the trouble of catching up on older posts. Must be quite a funny feeling, like watching a movie on rewind.
I think it’s undoubtedly better to be open about your feelings in your writing, it’s that vulnerability that touches readers but somehow, I struggle to do it in person. Go figure.
In any case, you’re all getting a much more in-depth perspective of my thoughts & feelings than most my friends do in person… (Whoops.)
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Maybe now we’ve begun to see your innermost, you can relax and tell us all about it in person if you make it to the Bloggers Bash. Or would that be a step too far?
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Hmm… I guess we won’t know until… we do!
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I’ll look forward to that
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